Self-examination [version 2], by Grace Aguilar (ca. 1830s)

Contributor(s):

Grace Aguilar and Aharon N. Varady (editing/transcription)

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6 May 2023 under the Creative Commons Zero (CC 0) Universal license a Public Domain dedication

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Bedtime Shema, Repenting, Resetting, and Forgiveness

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Contribute a translation	Source (English)
	Self-examination.
	Grant, O God, that I may look upon my heart with a stern unflinching eye; that my sins and faults may stand in all their wickedness before me. That I may know and guard against them; and in the examination I am about to make, my heart and thoughts may be as open to my sight, as if they were laid bare before me. Grant this, O God, that I may become good and virtuous in Thy sight. Amen.
	Have I done my duty towards my God?
	Did I commence this day by devotion?
	Have I in any way transgressed his Commandments?
	Have I given up my own inclinations for the sake of others ?
	Have I gained any victory over myself ?
	Have I given way to temper, impatience or anger?
	Have I done evil?
	Have I resisted temptation?
	Have I done all that I had resolved to do to-day?
	Have I done my duty towards my parents?
	Have I done my duty in that station where it hath pleased God to place me?
	What have I done?
	Have I done good?
	Almighty Father, bend Thy gracious ear to the confession I have made, and forgive the sins I have committed. O if I have done any trifling good that is acceptable to Thee, if I have performed my earthly duties in a manner pleasing to Thee, O most merciful God, forgive my sins and give me strength to guard against them in the future, that each day I may draw nearer to my Heavenly Father, and each night my heart may glow in joy, and love, and adoration.
	Hear me, O God, hear me from Thy throne of mercy, and for the sake of Thy great name, O answer me!

“Self-examination” by Grace Aguilar was published posthumously by her mother Sarah Aguilar in Sabbath Thoughts and Sacred Communings (1853), pp. 97-98. In Essays and Miscellanies (1853) the prayer appears on pages 165-168. Another, longer version of this prayer with additional questions, appears under the title “Self-Examination for Every Night” in Essays and Miscellanies (1853), pp. 165-168.

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. Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike . 4.0 . International .

“Self-examination [version 2], by Grace Aguilar (ca. 1830s)” is shared through the Open Siddur Project with a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International copyleft license.

Grace Aguilar

Grace Aguilar (2 June 1816 – 16 September 1847) was an English novelist, poet and writer on Jewish history and religion. Although she had been writing since childhood, much of her work was published posthumously. Among those are her best known works, the novels Home Influence and A Mother's Recompense. Aguilar was the eldest child of Sephardic Jewish refugees from Portugal who settled in the London Borough of Hackney. An early illness resulted in her being educated by her parents, especially her mother, who taught her the tenets of Judaism. Later, her father taught the history of Spanish and Portuguese Jews during his own bout with tuberculosis which had led the family to move to the English coast. After surviving the measles at the age of 19, she began to embark on a serious writing career, even though her physical health never completely recovered. Aguilar's debut was an anonymous collection of poems, The Magic Wreath of Hidden Flowers. Three years later she translated Isaac Orobio de Castro's Israel Defended into English at her father's behest. Later her The Spirit of Judaism drew interest and sales in both Britain and the United States after being published in Philadelphia by Isaac Leeser. He added a preface to the work elucidating his differences with her, the first of many clashes her work would have with mainstream Jewish thought. In the 1840s her novels began to attract regular readers, and Aguilar moved back to London with her parents. Despite her success, she and her mother still had to operate a boys' Hebrew school to stay solvent, which she resented for the time and energy it took from her writing. In 1847, she became ill again with a spinal paralysis which she did not let prevent her from visiting her brother in Frankfurt. Her health worsened and she died there that September.

Aharon N. Varady (editing/transcription)

Aharon Varady (M.A.J.Ed./JTSA Davidson) is a volunteer transcriber for the Open Siddur Project. If you find any mistakes in his transcriptions, please let him know. Shgiyot mi yavin; Ministarot naqeni שְׁגִיאוֹת מִי־יָבִין; מִנִּסְתָּרוֹת נַקֵּנִי "Who can know all one's flaws? From hidden errors, correct me" (Psalms 19:13). If you'd like to directly support his work, please consider donating via his Patreon account. (Varady also translates prayers and contributes his own original work besides serving as the primary shammes of the Open Siddur Project and its website, opensiddur.org.)

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ויהי נעם אדני אלהינו עלינו ומעשה ידינו כוננה עלינו ומעשה ידינו כוננהו "May the pleasantness of אדֹני our elo’ah be upon us; may our handiwork be established for us — our handiwork, may it be established." –Psalms 90:17