https://opensiddur.org/?p=50596Prayer for Guidance in Times of Indecision, by Grace Aguilar (ca. 1830s)2023-05-06 19:31:33"Prayer for guidance in times of indecision" by Grace Aguilar was published posthumously by her mother Sarah Aguilar in <em><a href="https://opensiddur.org/?p=50563">Sabbath Thoughts and Sacred Communings</a></em> (1853), pp. 126-128.Textthe Open Siddur ProjectAharon N. Varady (transcription)Aharon N. Varady (transcription)Grace Aguilarhttps://opensiddur.org/copyright-policy/Aharon N. Varady (transcription)https://creativecommons.org/publicdomain/zero/1.0/Well-being, health, and caregiving19th century C.E.תחינות teḥinot56th century A.M.English vernacular prayerteḥinot in English
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Father, merciful Father!
O look down from Thy dwelling-place on high,
and have compassion on a child of Israel who calls on Thee;
Thou to whom all things are light,
who knowest all things at their very beginning.
Thou seest the doubt and indecision of Thy servant.
O guide me in this matter;
teach me what path is most acceptable to Thee, my God,
and show me the clear line of duty to my parents.
Father, my whole trust is in Thee.
I know whatever Thou ordainest is best,
however it may interfere with my own wishes and inclinations.
I commit myself to Thee, O God;
my soul and body are in Thy hands,
and all my affections, hopes, desires, pleasures,
are also Thine.
O do Thou lead me in the right way;
mine eyes are darkened,
and I shall stumble without Thy supporting hand.
I know not my own heart, O my God;
it is deceitful above all things;
its very wishes are hid from me.
I know not what is for my happiness,
and therefore am I hesitating and weak,
varying and inconstant;
each day a new emotion seems predominant within my heart.
Were I called upon to decide,
I know not in what way to do so.
O my Father, lead me in Thy way,
and teach me what is most pleasing unto Thee.
Wherever I am,
let thy blessing hover round me as a shield.
Be Thou with me,
whether in the shelter of home,
or by a stranger hearth.
Let me feel Thy blessed spirit on my soul,
guiding my every action,
turning my secret thoughts to Thee.
Let not my own will gain ascendancy;
let not my own wishes bid me forget to look to Thee;
govern my thoughts,
that they may not rest too much
on any one desire.
Let not anticipation
deck the future with colours
whose brightness is tarnished
as soon as the future becomes the present.
Whichever way I turn
there seems an equal degree of pleasure and of pain.
I know not which is most acceptable to Thee.
Father,
Thou knowest that I trust in Thee,
that my only hope is in Thy mercy.
O let that mercy guide me now;
and whichever way the darkness of indecision be removed,
O let me feel that it is Thy will,
that Thou hast ordained it thus,
that however my own wishes may appear to rebel,
however my sinful thoughts may start objections,
O permit me still to trust in Thy wisdom,
and lean on Thy unfailing mercy.
I call upon Thee, O my God,
with my whole heart.
Answer me for thy name’s sake!— Amen.
“Prayer for guidance in times of indecision” by Grace Aguilar was published posthumously by her mother Sarah Aguilar in Sabbath Thoughts and Sacred Communings (1853), pp. 126-128. In Essays and Miscellanies (1853) the prayer appears on pages 211-212.
Aharon Varady (M.A.J.Ed./JTSA Davidson) is a volunteer transcriber for the Open Siddur Project. If you find any mistakes in his transcriptions, please let him know. Shgiyot mi yavin; Ministarot naqeniשְׁגִיאוֹת מִי־יָבִין; מִנִּסְתָּרוֹת נַקֵּנִי "Who can know all one's flaws? From hidden errors, correct me" (Psalms 19:13). If you'd like to directly support his work, please consider donating via his Patreon account. (Varady also translates prayers and contributes his own original work besides serving as the primary shammes of the Open Siddur Project and its website, opensiddur.org.)
Grace Aguilar (2 June 1816 – 16 September 1847) was an English novelist, poet and writer on Jewish history and religion. Although she had been writing since childhood, much of her work was published posthumously. Among those are her best known works, the novels Home Influence and A Mother's Recompense. Aguilar was the eldest child of Sephardic Jewish refugees from Portugal who settled in the London Borough of Hackney. An early illness resulted in her being educated by her parents, especially her mother, who taught her the tenets of Judaism. Later, her father taught the history of Spanish and Portuguese Jews during his own bout with tuberculosis which had led the family to move to the English coast. After surviving the measles at the age of 19, she began to embark on a serious writing career, even though her physical health never completely recovered. Aguilar's debut was an anonymous collection of poems, The Magic Wreath of Hidden Flowers. Three years later she translated Isaac Orobio de Castro's Israel Defended into English at her father's behest. Later her The Spirit of Judaism drew interest and sales in both Britain and the United States after being published in Philadelphia by Isaac Leeser. He added a preface to the work elucidating his differences with her, the first of many clashes her work would have with mainstream Jewish thought. In the 1840s her novels began to attract regular readers, and Aguilar moved back to London with her parents. Despite her success, she and her mother still had to operate a boys' Hebrew school to stay solvent, which she resented for the time and energy it took from her writing. In 1847, she became ill again with a spinal paralysis which she did not let prevent her from visiting her brother in Frankfurt. Her health worsened and she died there that September.
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