[Prayer for] Saturday night [on New Year’s Eve], by Grace Aguilar (31 December 1836)

Contributor(s):

Aharon N. Varady (editing/transcription) and Grace Aguilar

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18 May 2023 under the Creative Commons Zero (CC 0) Universal license a Public Domain dedication

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Gregorian New Year's Day (January 1st), Motsei Shabbat

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19th century C.E., תחינות teḥinot, 56th century A.M., English vernacular prayer, teḥinot in English

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Contribute a translation	Source (English)
	Saturday night, Dec. 31, 1836.
	The last Sabbath, and the last day of the year! one of the periods of time that mark out my existence.
	Oh, merciful Father, when I look around me, and feel another year hath rolled by, and the parents I revere, the relations and the friends I love, the darling brothers of my heart, are yet spared to me in life, while so many of my fellow creatures are afflicted and bereaved ones, I ask myself, why am I so peculiarly favoured?
	Many changes have indeed been mine, and petty trials and vexations, anxieties and sorrows. I feel I have more cause for thanksgiving and praise, yet my polluted heart, though it hath learned to pray, still knows not how to praise.
	Oh God, I abhor, I hate myself for my ingratitude; yet this night my soul appears deadened within me, dejected and sad with unknown sorrow, instead of being elastic and glad with praise and thanksgiving and glory unto Thee.
	Oh Thou who seest every whisper of devotion as it rises on my soul, let the moments of silent gratitude, of acknowledged mercies, which Thou hast graciously permitted me sometimes to feel glowing within me, now be acceptable, oh my God, to Thee. As in the awful hour of death, when the flesh faileth, and we cannot pray the prayers of prosperous and healthful hours, soothe our dying moments by the recollection that they are, even at that moment, pleading for us with Thee. So let the moments of gratitude and thanksgiving which I have felt, plead for me when my spirit lies imprisoned and wretched within me.
	Oh Lord, my lips refuse at this instant to utter words of praise, for my soul is borne down with the load of sin, that deprives it of its heavenly nature; yet my heart acknowledges Thy mercies, blessed Lord, and Thou who canst read the heart, let its feelings be acceptable to Thee.
	Let David speak for me, my God and my Father: “I will sing unto the Lord as long as I live; I will sing praises unto my God while I have my being. My meditation of Him shall be sweet. I will be glad in the Lord.” (Psalms 104:33-34) “Bless thou the Lord, oh my soul, praise ye the Lord!” (Psalms 104:35 part)
	Merciful Father! manifold indeed have been Thy loving kindnesses to an erring child this year.
	Thou hast permitted me to lean more to Thee, and trust less in my own righteousness.
	Thou hast given me grace to know that I am full of corruption and sin.
	Thou hast allowed me to praise Thee in joy, to call unto Thee in grief, and Thou hast drawn nigh unto me in sorrow.
	Thou hast raised me up friends.
	Thou hast given me many moments of happiness, of peace, when all around seemed a dreary waste, a dismal gloom.
	Thou hast given me grace to study, and wisdom in some cases to expound Thy Law.
	Thou hast mercifully made my belief clearer, and strengthened me in my faith.
	Thou hast given me time and inclination to cultivate the talents Thou hast bestowed on me.
	Thou hast given me grace in some few things to adhere to my resolution and withstand temptation for love of Thy Law.
	Thou hast mercifully permitted me to feel the holy joy, the never failing comfort of religion, of trusting in Thee.
	Oh God, I feel, I know, this year Thou hast drawn me nearer Thee! Oh blessed, blessed be Thy name even for that alone!
	Awake, arise, my soul, cast off this lethargy, that I may praise my God for all that He hath done for me this year. Yes, I have felt the blessed influence of Thy Holy Spirit, oh my God, more than I ever did before.
	Even as I prayed, I have been answered; in not one thing have I referred to my gracious God in vain. I feel now how sweet it is to trust in Him, How soothing to fly to Him in every trouble or perplexity; to praise Him, to call upon Him, to lean confidingly on His bosom; to feel there is One who will never change, who, however earthly friends may change, will never forsake me. “Thou encompassest my path, and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways.” (Psalms 139:3) “Yea, the darkness hideth me not from Thee, but the night shineth as the day, the darkness and the light are alike to Thee.” (Psalms 139:12)
	Oh, I feel as if the spirit of the Lord dwelt more fervently with me at the end than at the beginning of this year.
	Good Lord, grant that it may be so; each year make me more worthy in Thy sight, that I may shine more and more unto perfect day, that when I come to die, I may not feel the horrors of a misspent life rising to appal me. Then let Thy mercy uphold me, blessed Lord, then let me feel how good it is to trust in Thee, and if it may please Thee to take me to Thyself ere another year has run its course, let me end this book and this year with avowing my belief in the unity of God, the truth of the Jewish faith, in the Bible, as the only law which should guide our actions and our lives, being the written Word of God, and in the firm belief that not my own righteousness, but the mercy of the one sole God, can render me fit to die, to ascend to Him, and be one of the blessed who will rise again, and glorify Him in the second Paradise — restored Jerusalem!
	Oh God, my God, let the contents of this little book, my thoughts and meditations here transcribed, be an acceptable offering in Thy sight. Blessed be the Lord God of Israel, from everlasting to everlasting. — Amen and Amen.

“Saturday night, Dec. 31, 1836” by Grace Aguilar was published posthumously by her mother Sarah Aguilar in Essays and Miscellanies (1853), in the section “Sacred Communings,” pp. 196-199. In the UK edition of Sacred Communings (1853) the prayer appears with small variations of spelling and punctuation on pages 112-115.

Source(s)

. Creative Commons Public Domain Dedication . 1.0 . Universal .

“[Prayer for] Saturday night [on New Year’s Eve], by Grace Aguilar (31 December 1836)” is shared through the Open Siddur Project with a Creative Commons Public Domain Dedication 1.0 Universal license.

Aharon N. Varady (editing/transcription)

Aharon Varady (M.A.J.Ed./JTSA Davidson) is a volunteer transcriber for the Open Siddur Project. If you find any mistakes in his transcriptions, please let him know. Shgiyot mi yavin; Ministarot naqeni שְׁגִיאוֹת מִי־יָבִין; מִנִּסְתָּרוֹת נַקֵּנִי "Who can know all one's flaws? From hidden errors, correct me" (Psalms 19:13). If you'd like to directly support his work, please consider donating via his Patreon account. (Varady also translates prayers and contributes his own original work besides serving as the primary shammes of the Open Siddur Project and its website, opensiddur.org.)

Grace Aguilar

Grace Aguilar (2 June 1816 – 16 September 1847) was an English novelist, poet and writer on Jewish history and religion. Although she had been writing since childhood, much of her work was published posthumously. Among those are her best known works, the novels Home Influence and A Mother's Recompense. Aguilar was the eldest child of Sephardic Jewish refugees from Portugal who settled in the London Borough of Hackney. An early illness resulted in her being educated by her parents, especially her mother, who taught her the tenets of Judaism. Later, her father taught the history of Spanish and Portuguese Jews during his own bout with tuberculosis which had led the family to move to the English coast. After surviving the measles at the age of 19, she began to embark on a serious writing career, even though her physical health never completely recovered. Aguilar's debut was an anonymous collection of poems, The Magic Wreath of Hidden Flowers. Three years later she translated Isaac Orobio de Castro's Israel Defended into English at her father's behest. Later her The Spirit of Judaism drew interest and sales in both Britain and the United States after being published in Philadelphia by Isaac Leeser. He added a preface to the work elucidating his differences with her, the first of many clashes her work would have with mainstream Jewish thought. In the 1840s her novels began to attract regular readers, and Aguilar moved back to London with her parents. Despite her success, she and her mother still had to operate a boys' Hebrew school to stay solvent, which she resented for the time and energy it took from her writing. In 1847, she became ill again with a spinal paralysis which she did not let prevent her from visiting her brother in Frankfurt. Her health worsened and she died there that September.

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ויהי נעם אדני אלהינו עלינו ומעשה ידינו כוננה עלינו ומעשה ידינו כוננהו "May the pleasantness of אדֹני our elo’ah be upon us; may our handiwork be established for us — our handiwork, may it be established." –Psalms 90:17