Drink and eat, eat and drink,
Eat and drink, drink and eat,
What pains the heart, get out, scatter,
Until you don’t know right from left.

Lift the ninth cup:
This is the wine of Champagne that our ancestors drank in every place.
Let all who thirst come and drink,
let all who have a coin in their purse come and buy.
Now we are here, in an hour in the wine bar.
Now we are here, in an hour intoxicated.

The son asks:
What distinguishes this day from all other days?
On all other days, sometimes we engage in work and sometimes we eat;
today all is eating and drinking.
On all other days, we drink water or beer without wine;
today all is wine.
On all other days, bread sustains a person’s heart;
today there is nothing less for Israel than a royal feast.
On all other days, we eat until full and drink for thirst;
today we gorge and glut and get intoxicated.

Mix the tenth cup.
We were slaves to Aḥasuerus in Shushan, and were given off to the wicked Haman. And then Esther the queen commanded to fast three days, night and day, and the Cause saved us from our trouble. And if the Place had not overturned Haman’s plot, behold our ancestors would die of hunger and perish of thirst. And even if we were all full, weak, or elderly, it would be incumbent upon us to eat and drink and get intoxicated at the Purim meal, and all who increase it is praiseworthy.

A matter of Rabbi Guzzler and Rabbi Goodvintage and Rabbi Winer and Rabbi Drinker and Rabbi Bottle, who were eating and drinking at a Purim meal all day and all night, and were getting intoxicated until they fell under the table with their cups in their hands. And in the morning their students found them rolling one on another and said, “Sirs, the time for breakfast has arrived!”

Said Rabbi Bottle the Drippite: Behold, I have already rejoiced in the joy of Purim but I did not merit that the Purim meal would be made three days and three nights, until Ben Goodvintage interpreted it as it is written, From sorrow to joy, and from mourning to a festival. (Esther 9:23) What sorrow? Three days and three nights! As it is said, And fast for me and do not eat or drink three days, night and day. (Esther 4:16) And thus the joy of the festival.

Rabbi Guzzler says, seven days, as is said from mourning to a festival. (Esther 9:23) And morning is always at least seven days. And the sages said, nothing less than eating and drinking until the Messianic age!

Blessed is the Place!
Blessed are they!
Who gave the Megillah to Their people Israel!
Blessed are they!

It is as if the Torah speaks of four children — one sage, and one fool, and one simpleton, and one who doesn’t know how to drink.

What does the sage say? “What are these laws and ordinances and judgements to engage in day and night? Wouldn’t it be better for us to sit by the pot of meat or go to the wine bar?” So you are to say to him, “Nobody moves from their place until Pesaḥ.”

What does the fool say? “What is this joy of Purim for you, since you didn’t see it — neither Haman nor Mordechai!” “For you” and not for him! Since he separated himself from the community, he is rejecting the Megillah. So you are to blunt his teeth and say to him, “But all this is worthless to me (Esther 5:13) and not to him. If he had been there he would have been hanged!”

What does the simpleton say? “What’s this?” And you are to say to him, (Exodus 13:14) This is the Purim meal, and all who engage in it merit to enjoy the meal of the Leviathan.

And the one who doesn’t know how to drink, you open his mouth, as it says open your mouth and I will fill it, (Psalm 81:11) and it says and teach the children of Israel, put it in their mouths. (Deuteronomy 31:19)

Could it be from the new moon, since it says and the month that it was changed for them? (Esther 9:22) The teaching says, to make those two days. (Esther 9:27) Could it be from the morning? The teaching says, from sorrow to joy. (Esther 9:23) “To joy” can only mean at the time when the cups are poured before you.

Of old they would fast three days and eat one day. And now we fast one day and eat without end or beginning, until the meat is gone from the table, and the wine from the cup, and the last coin from the purse. And if the fast days and festivals were nullified, the days of Purim would forever stand, as it says these Purim days will not pass from among the Jews and their memory will not end from their seed. (Esther 9:28)

Blessed be the One who guards Their wine in the cellar all year to honor Purim! Blessed be the One who thought and planned and counted the barrels that none of it would be wasted! For throughout the year drinking is permitted, but on Purim it is required to drink, as it says the drinking was by law (Esther 1:8) that one gets drunk and sleeps and in his dream sees himself having lots of stuff.

And it is the wine that stood for our ancestors and for us. For as the Place desired that Israel would merit, they gave them commanded meals and cups of blessing — ḳiddush and havdalah, circumcision and redemption of the firstborn and bar-mitzvah and engagement and wedding meals and the blessing for taking virginity. Content is one who merits all of them with their cups in their hand!

How many good things has the Place done for us!

If Vashti were killed…
…but Esther hadn’t reigned in her place,
good enough for us!

If Esther had reigned…
…but had not called Haman to the feast,
good enough for us!

If Esther had called Haman to the feast…
…but the king’s sleep had not eluded him,
good enough for us!

If the king’s sleep had eluded him…
…but Haman hadn’t come to the yard,
good enough for us!

If Haman had come to the yard…
…but hadn’t set Mordechai’s horse ride,
good enough for us!

If he had set Mordechai’s horse ride…
…but he hadn’t fallen on the couch,
good enough for us!

If he had fallen on the couch…
…but Harvona hadn’t spoken,
good enough for us!

If Harvona had spoken…
…but Haman’s sons not hanged with their father,
good enough for us!

If Haman and his sons had been hanged…
…but their stuff hadn’t been given to Mordechai,
good enough for us!

If their stuff had been given to Mordechai…
…but vengeance hadn’t been done on the enemies,
good enough for us!

If vengeance had been done on the enemies…
…but the days of Purim hadn’t been established,
good enough for us!

If the days of Purim had been established…
…but we weren’t commanded to do feasting and joy,
good enough for us!

All the more so, good, doubled and quadrupled has the Place done for us!

For Vashti was killed, and Esther reigned in her place, and called Haman to the feast, and the king’s sleep eluded him, and Haman came to the yard, and set Mordechai’s horse ride, and fell on the couch, and Harvona spoke, and the sons of Haman were hanged with their father, and their stuff was given to Mordechai, and vengeance was done on the enemies, and the days of Purim were established, and we were commanded to do feasting and joy in all our dwellings!

Rabban Godlaughs would say: All who don’t do three things on Purim haven’t fulfilled their obligation, and these are they: eat, drink, and dance.

Eat, as it is said Go, eat your bread in joy. (Ecclesiastes 9:7) And from where do we get that bread is a meal? As it is said and bread which sustains a person’s heart. (Psalm 104:15) But it is said not on bread alone does a person live! (Deuteronomy 8:3) Go and eat delicacies. And they fed you the manna (Deuteronomy 8:3) Don’t read “the manna” (hæ-man) but “Haman” (haman!) From here we learned that Purim is certainly a time of eating.

Drink, as is said and drink your wine with a cheerful heart, (Ecclesiastes 9:7) and it is said to make them days of feasting and joy. (Esther 9:22) What is feasting? Drinking! And why does it say “your wine” and not “your beer” or “your water?” To teach that it is incumbent upon us to drink all the wine in the house and no other drinks, because of what is written and the difference between man and beast is nothing (Ecclesiastes 3:19) — don’t say “nothing” (ayin) but rather “wine” (yayin)! And from where do we get that even the uncircumcised can join the drinking number? As it is said drink, you too, and be uncovered (Habakkuk 2:16) — don’t say “be uncovered” (hē3arēl) but “the uncircumcised” (hĕ-3arēl)! And from where do we get that there’s no minimum amount of drinking? As it is said drink and get drunk and vomit! (Jeremiah 25:27)

And dance, as it is said that the Jews will be ready for that day (Esther 8:13) “Ready” (3ătidim) isn’t written, but rather “he-goats” (3ættudim). This is to teach: What do he-goats do? Dance about! Thus the Jews are required to dance on Purim. And it is said a time to dance (Ecclesiastes 3:4) and this is no other time but Purim, as is said, at that time, relief and rescue will arise for the Jews. (Esther 4:14) And who among us was greater than Hillel the Elder, who would dance before the Temple at the festival of drawing water, since it’s written and you will draw water in happiness; (Isaiah 12:3)

In each generation a person is required to see himself as if he was in Shushan the capital, as it is said and as they set on their souls and on their seed. (Esther 9:31) Not just Mordechai and Esther and those of there generation alone were saved from Haman’s hand, but us too, as is said the Jews set and accepted on themselves and on their seed and on all who would join with them never to pass. (Esther 9:27)

Thus we are required to eat and drink and rejoice on Purim, to do feasting and festival, to be gorging and gluttonous and staying long with the wine, and dancing like he-goats, and to do meals like the meals of Solomon in his hour, and like the meals of King Aḥasuerus, and to bless “for the miracles,” that we be accustomed, ready, and prepared for the meal of Leviathan, hallelujah!

Praise the wine! Praise, drinkers of wine, praise the name of wine. May the wine be blessed over all beverages on earth. From the sunrise to sunset, praise and laud in our mouths. Great over every beverage is wine, over beer and water its glory. Who is like wine from our sleep, bringing up its birth on the mountains? Looking for its encampment place, in the cellar underground. Raising the gorger from the dust, from the midden lifting the glutton. Seating misers with the generous, a boy-king with the elders of his people. Seating boys and girls together, an inheritance of happy friends, praise the wine!

On the sun’s going out in glory, the vintner celebrates in his vineyard. The vine gives its fruit, grapes but not sour ones. The beer saw and fled, the water poured elsewhere. Gorgers danced like rams, gluttons like lambs. What is with you, o beer, that you flee; water, that you pour elsewhere? The gorgers, that you dance like rams, gluttons, like lambs? From wine the earth shakes, from the produce of the press. It disgrases and shames beer and water, those who love it insult a water-spring.

Eat and drink a whole lot, and dance a bit.

Pour out your wineskin on the road, and command to bring a full wineskin; for we have eaten to satiety and more, but have not drunk to wastedness. Pour out your rage on the water, and let your hot anger move the beer. Pursue and destroy them from the house!

It is not for us to stand from the table, for the day is still long, and there is still food on the plate and the cups aren’t empty. Why would the nations say “they are lazy, thus they go to their paths?” For we are not so with us, for a festival came upon us. What is silver and gold for us, or all the statues of human make? They have mouths but don’t drink, tongues but don’t taste. Teeth but don’t bite, food but don’t swallow it in their throats. Rejoice and eat, friends, for it is the time of eating! Drink and get intoxicated, beloveds, for it is the day of Purim!

How could I pay back wine for all it has done for me? I lift the cup of salvation while my breath is in my nose. My vows to wine I will fulfill, facing, pray, all who drink it. In the courts of the wine house, evening and morning and afternoon, praise the wine!

We do not finish Hallel on Purim, on account of the actions of those drowning in wine. But you can sing!

The guests lift a cup and say:
Praise wine, all drinkers; laud it, all gluttons!
For its greatness is more than all beverages; praise it!
 
Next year we’ll drink twice as much!

We do not say the blessing after wine on Purim, since we’ll be drinking more.
The order of Purim is done, by all its norms,
All its rulings and laws.
As we have merited to drink prior,
So way me merit to drink later.
“Cursed is Haman” from “blessed is Mordechai” we don’t know,
And the name of Harvona we have remembered for good.
Thus we have done as we have commanded,
Behold, we are intoxicated, us and our acts are cut off-on our face!

The readers surround one person and dance around him and sing:

Eater he,  
fill his gullet quickly,
speedily, speedily, in our mouths, quickly,
eat and drink,
fill your gullet quickly!

Swallower he,  
fill his gullet quickly,
speedily, speedily, in our mouths, quickly,
eat and drink,
fill your gullet quickly!

Guzzler he,  
jumper he,  
fill his gullet quickly,
speedily, speedily, in our mouths, quickly,
eat and drink,
fill your gullet quickly!

Kvetcher he,  
enabler he,  
gorger he,  
wino he,  
fill his gullet quickly,
speedily, speedily, in our mouths, quickly,
eat and drink,
fill your gullet quickly!

Sheeple he,  
winepresser he,  
vineyard keeper he,  
clown he,  
mixologist he,  
generous he,  
glutton he,  
rich he,  
spendthrift he,  
jokester he,  
fill his gullet quickly,
speedily, speedily, in our mouths, quickly,
eat and drink,
fill your gullet quickly!

Captain he,  
dancer he,  
drunk he,  
mighty he,  
fill his gullet quickly,
speedily, speedily, in our mouths, quickly,
eat and drink,
fill your gullet quickly!

Who knows one?
I know one!
One is the wine that makes God in heaven and people on earth rejoice.

Who knows two?
I know two!
Two are the days of Purim.
One is the wine that makes God in heaven and people on earth rejoice.

Who knows three?
I know three!
Three are the meals of Shabbat.
Two are the days of Purim.
One is the wine that makes God in heaven and people on earth rejoice.

Who knows four?
I know four!
Four are the cups of wine on Pesaḥ.
Three are the meals of Shabbat.
Two are the days of Purim.
One is the wine that makes God in heaven and people on earth rejoice.

Who knows five?
I know five!
Five are the senses.
Four are the cups of wine on Pesaḥ.
Three are the meals of Shabbat.
Two are the days of Purim.
One is the wine that makes God in heaven and people on earth rejoice.

Who knows six?
I know six!
Six are the branches of the menorah.
Five are the senses.
Four are the cups of wine on Pesaḥ.
Three are the meals of Shabbat.
Two are the days of Purim.
One is the wine that makes God in heaven and people on earth rejoice.

Who knows seven?
I know seven!
Seven are the days of wedding-feasts.
Six are the branches of the menorah.
Five are the senses.
Four are the cups of wine on Pesaḥ.
Three are the meals of Shabbat.
Two are the days of Purim.
One is the wine that makes God in heaven and people on earth rejoice.

Who knows eight?
I know eight!
Eight are the days of Ḥanukkah.
Seven are the days of wedding-feasts.
Six are the branches of the menorah.
Five are the senses.
Four are the cups of wine on Pesaḥ.
Three are the meals of Shabbat.
Two are the days of Purim.
One is the wine that makes God in heaven and people on earth rejoice.

Who knows nine?
I know nine!
Nine are the days of Sukkot.
Eight are the days of Ḥanukkah.
Seven are the days of wedding-feasts.
Six are the branches of the menorah.
Five are the senses.
Four are the cups of wine on Pesaḥ.
Three are the meals of Shabbat.
Two are the days of Purim.
One is the wine that makes God in heaven and people on earth rejoice.

Who knows ten?
I know ten!
Ten are the sons of Haman.
Nine are the days of Sukkot.
Eight are the days of Ḥanukkah.
Seven are the days of wedding-feasts.
Six are the branches of the menorah.
Five are the senses.
Four are the cups of wine on Pesaḥ.
Three are the meals of Shabbat.
Two are the days of Purim.
One is the wine that makes God in heaven and people on earth rejoice.

Who knows eleven?
I know eleven!
Eleven are the curtains of the Tabernacle.
Ten are the sons of Haman.
Nine are the days of Sukkot.
Eight are the days of Ḥanukkah.
Seven are the days of wedding-feasts.
Six are the branches of the menorah.
Five are the senses.
Four are the cups of wine on Pesaḥ.
Three are the meals of Shabbat.
Two are the days of Purim.
One is the wine that makes God in heaven and people on earth rejoice.

Who knows twelve?
I know twelve!
Twelve are the springs of water.
Eleven are the curtains of the Tabernacle.
Ten are the sons of Haman.
Nine are the days of Sukkot.
Eight are the days of Ḥanukkah.
Seven are the days of wedding-feasts.
Six are the branches of the menorah.
Five are the senses.
Four are the cups of wine on Pesaḥ.
Three are the meals of Shabbat.
Two are the days of Purim.
One is the wine that makes God in heaven and people on earth rejoice.

Who knows thirteen?
I know thirteen!
Thirteen are the bulls offered on the first day of Sukkot.
Twelve are the springs of water.
Eleven are the curtains of the Tabernacle.
Ten are the sons of Haman.
Nine are the days of Sukkot.
Eight are the days of Ḥanukkah.
Seven are the days of wedding-feasts.
Six are the branches of the menorah.
Five are the senses.
Four are the cups of wine on Pesaḥ.
Three are the meals of Shabbat.
Two are the days of Purim.
One is the wine that makes God in heaven and people on earth rejoice.

One kid-goat, one kid-goat,
that my father bought for two zuzim,
one kid-goat, one kid-goat.

And came Nebuchadnezzar,
and ate the grass of the plowing-field,
which my father bought for two zuzim,
one kid-goat, one kid-goat.

And came Esther,
and was from the exile that was exiled by Nebuchadnezzar,
who ate the grass of the plowing-field,
which my father bought for two zuzim,
one kid-goat, one kid-goat.

And came Vashti,
and in her place ruled Esther,
who was from the exile that was exiled by Nebuchadnezzar,
who ate the grass of the plowing-field,
which my father bought for two zuzim,
one kid-goat, one kid-goat.

And came Aḥasuerus,
and commanded to kill Vashti,
whom in her place ruled Esther,
who was from the exile that was exiled by Nebuchadnezzar,
who ate the grass of the plowing-field,
which my father bought for two zuzim,
one kid-goat, one kid-goat.

And came Bigtan and Teresh,
and tried to lay a hand against the king Aḥasuerus,
who commanded to kill Vashti,
whom in her place ruled Esther,
who was from the exile that was exiled by Nebuchadnezzar,
who ate the grass of the plowing-field,
which my father bought for two zuzim,
one kid-goat, one kid-goat.

And came Mordechai,
and told on Bigtan and Teresh,
who tried to lay a hand against the king Aḥasuerus,
who commanded to kill Vashti,
whom in her place ruled Esther,
who was from the exile that was exiled by Nebuchadnezzar,
who ate the grass of the plowing-field,
which my father bought for two zuzim,
one kid-goat, one kid-goat.

And came Haman,
who commanded to hang Mordechai,
who told on Bigtan and Teresh,
who tried to lay a hand against the king Aḥasuerus,
who commanded to kill Vashti,
whom in her place ruled Esther,
who was from the exile that was exiled by Nebuchadnezzar,
who ate the grass of the plowing-field,
which my father bought for two zuzim,
one kid-goat, one kid-goat.

And came the hangman,
and hanged Haman,
who wanted that for Mordechai,
who told on Bigtan and Teresh,
who tried to lay a hand against the king Aḥasuerus,
who commanded to kill Vashti,
whom in her place ruled Esther,
who was from the exile that was exiled by Nebuchadnezzar,
who ate the grass of the plowing-field,
which my father bought for two zuzim,
one kid-goat, one kid-goat.