1 it is not necessary
to figure out ahead of time
that it is an abusive relationship
but it might help
2 some leave smiling, pleasant
handing out money and compliments at each stop
some leave quietly in the middle
of the night
or stowed away in someone else’s suitcase
but you have to be the one to leave —
even if you die along the way —
otherwise (even if someone else takes you out)
you will still, always, be there
3 you leave any way you can
4 with your whole heart
or with it in shreds —
trust me, it will grow back,
those earthworms learned it
from us
5 you probably won’t succeed
by fighting —
not with body
and not with law —
though some do
you might succeed with smarts
but to do so
you have to really know who it is
you are leaving
how tangled the chains of logic
in their own minds:
if you can think like a martial artist
you will be fine
this is self-defense
you can do this
and you will
6 you can do it by singing
like the von Trapps
7 if you can figure out a way
to make them think it was their idea
for you to leave
that will make it
much easier
for a little while
which is just long enough
if you are ready to seize it
and leave with your whole being
of course
they might change their minds
and go after you
in all the ways they can
(and they will be faster than you)
but even if they do
you will already be gone
by the full moonlight
of a midnight sky
and their eyes will never
readjust
and you will already
be gone
they would not recognize you
in a crowd
because
they never saw you
in the first place
8 tell the story
as many times as you can
for as long as you need to
so that you don’t follow the urge to go back
9 if you can, put a sea
between you and them
and if you can make it look
like it was the sea
that killed them
yes that will help too
(if you can make yourself think they
died
you will feel safer
but a part of them died
a long time ago)
10 if you see other people
traveling barefoot
with a familiar look in their eye
and canteens near empty
and a longing for cucumbers
so deep it could almost kill them
be kind to them tend to them
feed them if you have food
feed them kindness
and the expansiveness
in your own eyes
to show them the way on
not because
they need this
but because otherwise
you might still wake up one day
after all these years
back in Goshen
with pyramid dust in your hair
11 (un)fortunately,
modern therapy will not be invented/ developed
for over a thousand years
by one of your own of course
but narrative therapy, art therapy,
music therapy, dance therapy
– and some say certain bitter herbs –
woven into the tradition
healing along the way
maybe in another few (thousand) generations
maybe in another few (hundred) years
you will be free
12 when you tell the story
tell it so that
pharaoh doesn’t recognize himself
(in the story)
until he has already taken a bath
in the reed sea
(and woken up with better perspective)
so that he doesn’t
recognize himself in the story
until you are free
13 for a while
you might still dream
about narrowness
for a long time
you might dream
of being eaten by fish
on your way out
when in truth
they were such sweet company
for a long time
you will wake up in the middle of the night
with the names of all
of the dead babies
recited in your head: a litany
for a long time
you will still dream
of chariots coming to the shore
and attacking you
while you dance
o my child
these are the dreams of the living
these are the dreams of the free
we paid dearly
for those nightmares
and this is why
so many times a day
and on shabat when we slow down
and once a year at seder time
we say:
we
were freed
from bondage in mitzrayim
it is a mantra
it is a request
it is a question
14 on your way out
or before you leave
you are not to steal
but remember to borrow gifts receive gifts
from your neighbors
you will know them when you see them
they might be
some piece of truth
that could not fit
in slave quarters
they might be
some knowing
residue of frogs
they might be
simply the sight
of the narrows
as you turn back to see it
from afar
and the sight of each other
walking away
together
free
15
there has been some confusion
so here’s to clarify:
in your life you will enter
bathtubs hugs
tunnels sleeping bags
MRI machines
times of focus
times of rushing
most of them
you will enter and leave freely
most of them
will not be mitzrayim
16
you will leave mitzrayim
many times
but
it is only mitzrayim
once you have already left
17
forgive yourself
for having come in the first place
and for having stayed
as long as you did
18
how to leave Egypt?
it’s different every time
19
occasionally, if needed – and only if you have the stomach for it –
be a plague
20
you can leave
without going anywhere
but only if your bags are packed
21
the idea that we all left together
is pure fiction
I mean it is 100% true spiritually
there is no before or after in the Torah
but how it really works is:
if she can leave
then I can too
if they left
and made it
and danced
and are still dancing
then here we go
