Self-examination for every night [version 1], by Grace Aguilar (ca. 1830s)

Contributor(s):

Aharon N. Varady (editing/transcription) and Grace Aguilar

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11 May 2023 under the Creative Commons Zero (CC 0) Universal license a Public Domain dedication

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Bedtime Shema, Repenting, Resetting, and Forgiveness

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English vernacular prayer, self-reflection, teḥinot in English, תשובה teshuvah, מוסר mussar, 19th century C.E., זמן תשובה Zman teshuvah, תחינות teḥinot, 56th century A.M.

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Contribute a translation	Source (English)
	Self-examination for every night..
	Grant, oh God, that I may look upon my heart with a stern, unflinching, and impartial eye; that I may be enabled to discover all the sins and faults I have committed this day, and all the secret iniquities that may be at the bottom of my heart. Oh, mercifully grant that the examination I am about to make, may be strict and just; that no sinful love of self may blind me to my faults. Permit every iniquity I have committed this day, either in deed, or word, or thought, to come forth clear and light, as if my heart and thoughts were laid bare before me. Grant this, oh God, that I may become good and worthy in thy sight. — Amen.
	What have been my employments the whole of this day?
	Did I commence this day by devotion?
	Did my thoughts wander while saying my prayers?
	Have I allowed my thoughts to be fixed so much on any subject as to render it difficult to turn them thence to God, or other serious subjects?
	Have I used His Holy name, or other sacred terms, needlessly or profanely?
	Have I been obedient and affectionate to my parents?
	Have I slighted their wishes, and been careless and inattentive in my conduct towards them?
	Have I in thought committed sin and accused them of injustice or impatience?
	Have I done any act of unkindness towards my brothers?
	Have I given way to uncalled-for anger or vexation?
	Did I bear and forbear?
	Have I given way to irritation or impatience?
	Have I adhered, in word and thought, to truth, or permitted idle forms, or the wish to excite attention, to make me utter falsehoods or exaggerate?
	Have I felt envy at the talents, virtues, beauty, praise, of my fellow creatures?
	Have I attended to my domestic and social duties without murmuring?
	Have I given up my own inclinations, when called upon to do so?
	Have I gained any victory over my dearest wishes or temper?
	Have I resisted any temptation?
	Have I done all I had determined to do to-day?
	Has any amusement gained undue ascendancy, and to indulge it have I given up any duty?
	Have I felt irritated when told of my faults and errors, or humbled?
	Has love of God, or love of praise, gained ascendancy in any of my actions this day?
	Have I wasted my time in idleness or folly?
	Have I during this day walked with God; that is, have I thought of Him in all my employments, have I inwardly remembered Him?
	For what blessings vouchsafed me this day, ought I to be thankful?
	Am I in a fit temper of mind to address my God?
	Oh, Almighty Father, Thou seest I wish to become a good and faithful servant of Thy law. Thou knowest I desire my heart to be filled with love of Thee. Bend Thy gracious ear to the confession I have made. Forgive mine iniquity, for it is great.
	Draw nigh unto me, oh God. Have compassion on the weakness of Thy creature. Remove from me these sins, purify me, cleanse me, if it be by fire. Let me be worthy in Thy sight, even if I become so by chastisement and sorrow. If I have done any trifling good, if I have performed my earthly duties in a manner pleasing to Thee, my Heavenly Father, oh forgive my sins, and guard me against them in the future, that each day I may draw nearer to my God, and each night my heart may glow in joy, in love, in adoration.
	Blessed be the name of the High and Mighty God, now and evermore! — Amen.

“Self-Examination for Every Night” by Grace Aguilar was published posthumously by her mother Sarah Aguilar Essays and Miscellanies (1853), in the section “Sacred Communings” (1852), pp. 165-168. Another, shorter version of this prayer with fewer questions, appears under the title “Self-Examination” in Sabbath Thoughts and Sacred Communings (1853), pp. 97-98.

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“Self-examination for every night [version 1], by Grace Aguilar (ca. 1830s)” is shared through the Open Siddur Project with a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International copyleft license.

Aharon N. Varady (editing/transcription)

Aharon Varady (M.A.J.Ed./JTSA Davidson) is a volunteer transcriber for the Open Siddur Project. If you find any mistakes in his transcriptions, please let him know. Shgiyot mi yavin; Ministarot naqeni שְׁגִיאוֹת מִי־יָבִין; מִנִּסְתָּרוֹת נַקֵּנִי "Who can know all one's flaws? From hidden errors, correct me" (Psalms 19:13). If you'd like to directly support his work, please consider donating via his Patreon account. (Varady also translates prayers and contributes his own original work besides serving as the primary shammes of the Open Siddur Project and its website, opensiddur.org.)

Grace Aguilar

Grace Aguilar (2 June 1816 – 16 September 1847) was an English novelist, poet and writer on Jewish history and religion. Although she had been writing since childhood, much of her work was published posthumously. Among those are her best known works, the novels Home Influence and A Mother's Recompense. Aguilar was the eldest child of Sephardic Jewish refugees from Portugal who settled in the London Borough of Hackney. An early illness resulted in her being educated by her parents, especially her mother, who taught her the tenets of Judaism. Later, her father taught the history of Spanish and Portuguese Jews during his own bout with tuberculosis which had led the family to move to the English coast. After surviving the measles at the age of 19, she began to embark on a serious writing career, even though her physical health never completely recovered. Aguilar's debut was an anonymous collection of poems, The Magic Wreath of Hidden Flowers. Three years later she translated Isaac Orobio de Castro's Israel Defended into English at her father's behest. Later her The Spirit of Judaism drew interest and sales in both Britain and the United States after being published in Philadelphia by Isaac Leeser. He added a preface to the work elucidating his differences with her, the first of many clashes her work would have with mainstream Jewish thought. In the 1840s her novels began to attract regular readers, and Aguilar moved back to London with her parents. Despite her success, she and her mother still had to operate a boys' Hebrew school to stay solvent, which she resented for the time and energy it took from her writing. In 1847, she became ill again with a spinal paralysis which she did not let prevent her from visiting her brother in Frankfurt. Her health worsened and she died there that September.

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ויהי נעם אדני אלהינו עלינו ומעשה ידינו כוננה עלינו ומעשה ידינו כוננהו "May the pleasantness of אדֹני our elo’ah be upon us; may our handiwork be established for us — our handiwork, may it be established." –Psalms 90:17