Exercise for a wife who is married to an irreligious husband, by Rabbi Morris Jacob Raphall (1852)

Contributor(s): Morris Jacob Raphall and Aharon N. Varady (transcription)

Shared on: 3 May 2022 under the Public Domain (17 U.S. Code §105 - Subject matter of copyright: United States Government works)

Categories: Marriage

Tags: 19th century C.E., 57th century A.M., English vernacular prayer, irreligiosity, Jewish Women's Prayers, Problematic prayers, תחינות teḥinot

In the Book of Exodus, through the plague of dever the domesticated animals of Mitsrayim are made to suffer on behalf of the sins of their Egyptian taskmasters, even though they are, as the Israelites, innocent of their masters’ transgressions. Rationally, we might explain away this as tragic by saying that then, just as today, domesticated animals are unjustly made to suffer the callous neglect and the willful abuse of the human keepers for whom they are subjects and ultimately, possessions. In a patriarchy, how do women suffer under this hierarchy? This proto-feminist prayer from 1852 implicitly questions whether a wife under patriarchal authority must submit to the transgressions of her husband. –Aharon Varady

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Contribute a translation	Source (English)
	Exercise for a Wife who is married to an irreligious Husband.
	“She opens her lips with wisdom, and the teaching of piety is on her tongue.” (Proverbs 31:26)
	Merciful Lord! It has been thy will that I should be mated for life to a man whom I love, but who does not love thee my God! to [a man] whom I cheerfully yield obedience, but who does not obey thy law.
	Thou hast commanded that the man “should bear rule over the woman, and that she shall be dependent upon him.”^[1] Cf. Genesis 3:16. But, Father, in order to obey thy commandments, I am compelled to break thy command! I cannot, my God, I must not allow my husband to bear rule over me in what concerns thy worship. I cannot permit my religious observance to become dependent on his indifference.
	And above all, I cannot allow that the children whom thou hast entrusted [mayest entrust] to us should have their young minds tainted by the influence of principles which I detest, even while I love the man who professes them.
	In this my straight I turn to thee, O Lord! O teach me so to square my conduct, that I may not transgress against the affectionate obedience I owe to my husband, whilst I yield that absolute and higher obedience to the law, which I owe to thee, my God.
	O grant me firmness of mind, that I succumb not to the temptation of his example: grant me meekness of temper, that my unavoidable resistance to his authority may be mild and kindly, and such as beseemeth her who fears thee, Lord, and observes thy commandments.
	Grant, Lord! that I may inspire my children with that love and confidence, that the early lessons of piety which it will be my duty and to my care to instil in their minds, may never depart therefrom.
	And, O my God, if I have found favour before thee, and it is thy gracious will that my future days should be happy, vouchsafe to touch my husband’s heart, for his heart is good; let him feel how painful it must be for me to live in dread of the day, when I must tell our children to love and honour their father, but to obey their God!
	O enlighten his mind, for it is strong; let him plainly see that his wife’s religion is the best safeguard of his honour, that his children’s religion is the sole assurance of his happy old age. And that if— which in thy mercy avert— his wife and children should be so lost as to adopt his principles, and renounce the fear of thee my God, his happiness would be at an end for ever.
	Hear my prayer, good Lord! Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable before thee, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. (Psalms 19:15) Amen.

“Exercise for a Wife who is married to an irreligious Husband” appears on pages 131-132 of רֻחָמָה (Ruḥamah): Devotional Exercises for the Use of the Daughters of Israel (1852) edited by Rabbi Morris Jacob Raphall (1798–1868). The prayer appears unique to this collection which otherwise contain selections from the teḥinot anthologies in German of Meir Letteris (1800-1871), Max Emanuel Stern (1811-1873), and Yehoshua Heshil Miro. If you know of another collection from which this prayer first appeared, please leave a comment or contact us.

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Notes

Notes
1	Cf. Genesis 3:16.

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“Exercise for a wife who is married to an irreligious husband, by Rabbi Morris Jacob Raphall (1852)” is shared through the Open Siddur Project with a Creative Commons Public Domain Dedication 1.0 Universal license.

Morris Jacob Raphall

Rabbi Morris Jacob Raphall (1798–1868), born in Stockholm, Sweden, was a prominent rabbi and orator in the United States in the mid-19th century. At the age of nine Raphall was taken by his father, who was banker to the King of Sweden, to Copenhagen, where he was educated at the Hebrew grammar school. "He was educated for the Jewish ministry in the college of his faith in Copenhagen, in England, where he went in 1812, and afterward in the University of Giessen, where he studied in 1821-24." He devoted himself to the study of languages, for the better acquisition of which he subsequently traveled in France, Germany, and Belgium. He received the Ph.D. degree from the University of Erlangen (Germany). After lecturing on Hebrew poetry in 1834 he began to publish the Hebrew Review, and Magazine of Rabbinical Literature, the first Jewish periodical in England; he was forced to discontinue it in 1836 owing to ill health. For some time he acted as honorary secretary to Solomon Herschell, chief rabbi of Great Britain. He made translations from Maimonides, Albo, and Herz Wessely; conjointly with the Rev. D. A. de Sola he published a translation of eighteen treatises of the Mishnah; he also began a translation of the Pentateuch, of which only the first volume appeared. In 1840, when the blood accusation was made at Damascus, he traveled to Syria to aid in the investigation, and published a refutation of it in four languages (Hebrew, English, French, and German). He also wrote a defense of Judaism against an anonymous writer in the London Times. Raphall was also the author of a text-book of the post-Biblical history of the Jews (to the year 70 C.E.). In 1841 he was appointed minister of the Birmingham Synagogue and master of the school. He continued in these capacities for eight years, and then sailed for New York City in 1849. That year, he gave a series of lectures on biblical poetry at the Brooklyn Institute, and was appointed rabbi and preacher of Manhattan's Bnai Jeshurun congregation, at the time called the Greene Street Synagogue. He continued there until 1866, his duties then being relaxed owing to his poor health. He died in New York on June 23, 1868.

Aharon N. Varady (transcription)

Aharon Varady (M.A.J.Ed./JTSA Davidson) is a volunteer transcriber for the Open Siddur Project. If you find any mistakes in his transcriptions, please let him know. Shgiyot mi yavin; Ministarot naqeni שְׁגִיאוֹת מִי־יָבִין; מִנִּסְתָּרוֹת נַקֵּנִי "Who can know all one's flaws? From hidden errors, correct me" (Psalms 19:13). If you'd like to directly support his work, please consider donating via his Patreon account. (Varady also translates prayers and contributes his own original work besides serving as the primary shammes of the Open Siddur Project and its website, opensiddur.org.)

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ויהי נעם אדני אלהינו עלינו ומעשה ידינו כוננה עלינו ומעשה ידינו כוננהו "May the pleasantness of אדֹני our elo’ah be upon us; may our handiwork be established for us — our handiwork, may it be established." –Psalms 90:17

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