This variation on the discourse of the four children in the Haggadah was (barring minor edits) first composed for my family’s experimental small-scale seder in 2019, my second time ever leading a seder. I had come to the conclusion that for a text whose entire ikkar is for the children to learn, the Four Children narrative shows some shockingly bad pedagogy. So I decided to write a subversive take on it, where I applied its framework to some of the most serious problems facing the Jewish community today, and the mainline Jewish community’s failings in dealing with them. . . .

An old Persian tradition involves hitting each other with leeks during the recitation of Dayenu. Nowadays this is replaced with a gentle tap with a scallion for safety reasons. . . .

A millennium-old tradition, recorded by Rav Sherira Gaon in 10th-century Iraq. He would always have three cooked foods on the seder plate. The egg, a product of the birds of the sky, a sign of renewal and rebirth, represented Moses, the law, the heavens, and the revelational aspects of faith. The shankbone, a product of the animals of the field, a commemoration of the original Pesaḥ sacrifice, represented Aaron, the priesthood, the earth, and the ritual aspects of faith. And the fish, representing the constant flowing nature of water, represented Miriam, prophecy, the waters, and the spiritual aspects of faith. . . .